See I am a very loyal person. I could be pissed with you and still hold you down. I come from a family where loyalty is drilled into you. I was taught that family is first and everything. However I feel like these lessons are being tested.
I remember growing up and spending the summer in the projects with my grandmother and being told no matter how pissed we were you fight for family and handle family business inside. I feel like those lessons have been lost.
Every morning I wake up and I think I am in a really bad dream, possibly an alternate universe where some rogue aliens have taken over and are playing bad mind games with my family(YES I Know too much SciFi)
But then I walk into my mother's house and I realize I'm not. All of my Godkids and cousins stuff are gone. Its almost 6 months later and I haven't seen my babies. I haven't had my godson ask me 20 thousand questions about nothing or my baby cousin say to me No No No No! I miss my babies.
Sometimes I try to understand why? But I stop myself because it's to much to rationalize and it is easier to just let go.
But it kills me that my cousin cut my family off when they helped her. Thats the part that that baffles my mind. Maybe it does because I have gone through 6 months of crying and watching my family cry. Or maybe it's because I know we meant no harm to her or her children.
I find myself trying to cope with this by eliminating the familiar. However every time I see a toddler my heartbreaks. I find myself wanting to understand my cousin's rationale.
Two people brought up understand the same guidance, offered the same opportunities. How do you make this choice????
All I can think is blood may not be that thick.
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